The last entry I submitted to this online journal of random thoughts and musings saw me reflect on my time in Toronto – a new place with new opportunities. A little over a month later, I’ve finally found the nerve to sit down, stretch my fingers, and type something worth sharing.
Drake’s City is a big place. It’s filled with ambitious, creative, and successful people. I’ve never found so many people I simultaneously admire and fear all at once. Truthfully, I didn’t even think that feeling this way was even possible. Can you really look up to someone for their achievements and also shit yourself for even daring to glance in their direction? Apparently so.
While I feel like I’ve found a city of people I mesh with (thankfully) I’ve yet to shake the feeling this entire place is one giant competition. Who can climb the ladder the fastest? Who can earn the most the quickest? Who will conquer the world first while the rest of us struggle to keep our grip and not fall?
It isn’t without self-reflection that you can actually hope to move forward. At least, that’s what I’m thinking as I sit here with a glass of ice water, a mild-hangover, and the never-ending sound of construction outside my condo window. If you don’t understand who you are and what you want, does any of it really matter?
I’ve had five months in Canada’s New York and it’s given me time to really consider what I want and what I’m willing to do for it. Sure, there’s a part of me that wishes I could move back home, see my parents and family every single weekend, hang out with my niece and nephews, and gossip with my oldest friends over coffee every Wednesday at 8 p.m. I suppose sacrifices must be made. Maybe one day I’ll find a happy medium – a way I can feel optimistic about one aspect of my life without feeling like I’m flushing absolutely everything else down the toilet.
Ottawa didn’t present any real opportunities for me – at least, not within my realm of career aspirations. Toronto was the logical choice. But, to be here, means to be away from my family. To be with my family means to watch my personal goals disappear.
So, here I am. A newly 26-year-old Toronto transplant and aspiring public relations mogul with a thirst for professional fulfillment who craves his family and old life every. single. day.
Here I am. A newly 26-year-old Toronto transplant and aspiring public relations mogul with a thirst for professional fulfillment who craves his family and old life every. single. day… but who also plans to make the absolute fucking most of this opportunity.
Don’t believe me? Just watch.